Acute Anxiety

This month, in recognition of World Mental Health Day , I’ll be sharing 30 snippets from my book, All My Heroes Are Weirdos.

It’s a story about a lot of things; about love and life and dreams, but more than anything, it’s a story about how I lost my mind, and how I found it again – hidden where it had always been. A mind that went from one of great strength and assertion to one of complete and utter weakness; a deluded, tortured mind.

It’s about a journey I went on, a trillion serendipitous moments that on their own look like a series of tiny coincidences, yet, as the story unfolds, every star emanates in the form of a character, a glance, a smile, a word uttered, a move made, a feeling felt and all play a role in this clever little script that is life.

I was caught up in another round of crossfire, weaponless, squeezing my fingers into my ears as hard as I could. “Please stop. Please stop. Please stop,” I repeated, rocking back and forth like an extra in Shutter Island as a gush of panic flooded my body. I knew what was about to happen next.

I hummed and sobbed and shook my head, trying to distract my mind from the panic, but there was nothing I could do to drown out the agony of his words. My breaths were getting shorter and shorter and I began feeling that familiar choking sensation – a clenched jaw, taut lips and a closed throat. Sweat began draining out of every pore.

My eyes blurred and my thoughts went with them, my whole body refusing to see the torment that was standing right there in front of me.