One minute I’m about to climb another rung of the corporate ladder and move my whole life over to Hong Kong to manage a global team, taking two thousand suppliers on a business transformation journey.
The next, I’ve sold all of my possessions and I’m running off to a temple in the hills of Menorca to be a Spanish-speaking Buddhist Monk-wannabe for six weeks while I work out what’s next.
…And I’m the Happiest I’ve ever been.
I have incessantly battled with the two halves of my head.
The left half says be ambitious, use your brain and make money out of it. Enjoy the five-star hotels, the business class flights, a nice bottle of organic Nero d’Avola, treat yourself to the odd designer frock, book a holiday without even checking your bank balance, tap out contactless café au laits on the regular and spoil the ones you Love.
The right half says just be a nice human. Love the planet, love animals, love people, spend wisely, don’t dye your hair or put gel crap on your nails, don’t spend hundreds of pounds wining and dining out when you can laugh just as much eating carrot sticks dipped in humus sat on the floor of your best mate’s living room, choose tents over flashy resorts and dress in nothing but second-hand treasures that have stories to tell.
Since I was about 13 years old, the left half has won more battles than the right.
I was competitive on intelligence at school, even if it wasn’t against others, I was just always trying to beat my personal best. An ability to take photographs of words and conjugations with my eyes helped me sail through my triple diploma languages degree with the bare minimum of effort.
Then, following my Dad’s footsteps, I wanted a big, successful and exciting career that would take me all over the world. Ever since I can remember there was one company that had a bullseye on its head – L’Oréal. And so, with precise aim, I got myself mon job de rêve, joining the world’s leader in beauty as a Buyer.
My Director and Hero, Rachel, told me she’d never interviewed somebody so passionate and eager to snap a job out of her hands… and I was just as passionate for the (almost) four years that I worked there.
I gave my heart and soul. I worked Saturdays because I wanted to. And with zero exaggeration, on most days, I was so excited that waking up felt like Christmas morning (anybody who knows me well enough will know that’s kind of a big deal).
So fast forward to 2018..
the only force more ruthless and cynical than the business of big politics is the politics of big business
After months and months of spinning round in circles, unmade decisions and bucketloads of false hope about my move to the Far East, I decided to get behind the steering wheel of life and write my letter of resignation.
This is not a Quarter Life Crisis, although I’m pretty sure the majority of 33-year-old women without a partner or any form of childbirth-induced vaginal destruction in sight would have some sort of meltdown… I literally could not be more ecstatic.
So armed with nothing but a tent and a backpack full of Wanderlust I’ve hopped on a flight to the Dalmatian Islands of Croatia. Two weeks of sunrise runs, sunset cycles, reading, writing and most importantly, allowing this head of mine, which is bursting with excitement and ideas, to process a few thoughts.
It’s like my life is a blank canvas and I’m holding the paintbrush.