This month, in recognition of World Mental Health Day , I’ll be sharing 30 snippets from my book, All My Heroes Are Weirdos.
It’s a story about a lot of things; about love and life and dreams, but more than anything, it’s a story about how I lost my mind, and how I found it again – hidden where it had always been. A mind that went from one of great strength and assertion to one of complete and utter weakness; a deluded, tortured mind.
It’s about a journey I went on, a trillion serendipitous moments that on their own look like a series of tiny coincidences, yet, as the story unfolds, every star emanates in the form of a character, a glance, a smile, a word uttered, a move made, a feeling felt and all play a role in this clever little script that is life.
The dramatic ups and downs, the hailstorms of hostility and the worry that today could be another break-up was taking its toll on my health. My hair had been thinning for a while but it had begun falling out in cancerous clumps every time I took a shower. My face was drawn and withered and there were bags under my eyes no matter how many nine hour sleeps I got. My body was constantly on red alert and my muscles were forever tensed, I was heating up like a human kettle about to boil and blow my lid off.
After every argument, an itchy rash would appear on my stomach and all over my wrists. I was allergic to his words. A huge bulge had appeared in my throat and it clicked every time I swallowed. My body was breaking down, begging for me to leave him, but still I ignored it. I knew it was destroying me, I knew the damage my thoughts were doing to my body, but the more I worried the worse it got. Until one day it all became too much – and I cracked.