all my heroes are weirdos

We're All Mad Here

maid of dishonour

35,000 feet above Israel and I’m on the phone to one of my best friends in the whole wide world with tears of happiness streaming down my face.

She’s getting married and I’m going to be the Maid of Dishonour.


As dramatic as it sounds, after a few tough years I thought I’d lost my ability to feel anything except the isolating numbness of my inner ghost.  I was a bit of a zombie and nothing seemed to provoke any sort of emotion in me. Hurt, delight, sorrow, surprise, terror and amazement – no matter what it was, it hit my skin and trickled down me like raindrops on a mallard’s back.

I was worried that my broken heart into so many tiny pieces that it would never be able to mend itself, but the feeling came back to me in a nanosecond when another best friend (I have three) told me she was having a baby.

That was one of the most special moments in my entire life.

It almost felt like when a pin pops a balloon and all of the air pours out except she popped my heart and all of my Love poured out. It was sheer and utter elation for the joy of another human I care so much about.

From that day on, my heart has been in the recovery ward and every now and again, magical moments like this help me to stitch over one of the cracks.

Maid of Dishonour

My anti-marital stance is well-known amongst friends but it’s also well-known that it’s open to influence and also has zero impact on my empathetic joy when others live out their bridal dreams.

So I was more than ecstatic when I was told I’d got the job I’ve been applying for the past ten years.

I’m the Maid of Dishonour to the girl who just over a decade ago I rolled about on a sofa with as we dangled our legs over the headrest and our heads over the living room carpet listening to Nothing Compares To You by Sinead O’Connor,  talking about how when she grew up she wanted to be a Wedding Planner.

And just like the fairytale princess that she is,  her dreams came true.

She became a wedding planner at Oh Me Oh My and One Fine Day,  two of the most picturesque wedding venues Liverpool has to offer and as fate would have it, it was her dream of becoming a Wedding Planner that led her down the pale pink rose petal path where her prince was waiting for her.


Little does Katie know, whenever we’ve talked futures,  weddings,  life and love over the past few years I’ve been taking notes like a creepy little detective in anticipation of living out my Annie Walker, Bridesmaids fantasy.

(She reminds me so much of my mischievous self in the airplane scene it’s scary. It’s not me, I’m with him… I’m,  I’m Mrs Iglesias…)

The ideas  I’ve got for being a Maid of Dishonour are already giving me excitement quivers and what I lack in proximity to the motherland during the build up phase, I will more than make up for in thoughtfulness, memories-made and bucket loads of Love.

Stereotypically, Maid of Honour duties involve continuing to be a best friend and helping out with ideas during the build up, but we’ve been talking about this for so long that she’s pretty much got it all down. Then there’s the wedding dress fittings which I’m almost crying now thinking about missing out on – so thank god for WhatsApp video calls.

Then what else?


Imagine something a little bit along the lines of The Hangover, minus the tiger and adopted newborn baby, mixed with the Instagrammable loveliness of Helen’s Paris-themed engagement party from Bridesmaids and throw in the excellently choreographed dance from Romy & Michelle’s High School Reunion thrown in for good measure.

I’m reaaadddyyyyyy to parrrrrttyyyyyyyyyy

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