I know blogging is SO ’90s.
I’m not even an #edgy, hot nineteen year old sat behind a surface pro in a Dalston café, sipping on a mushroom latte.
I’m actually a somewhat haggard thirty-three year old, sat behind a clunky old work laptop that I’ve got to give back in six weeks, sipping on a grainy black coffee from a battered old scrabble mug.
THE LIGHTBULB MOMENT
I set this website up almost two years ago – I had a title and that was about it. I flirted with digital scribbles a few times, something about poached eggs as far as I recall, but they were only ever short-lived flings. I just wasn’t in the right headspace.
The second the clock struck twelve on the first day of this year, I had this overpowering sense of a turning tide in my stomach. I couldn’t stop telling everybody – 2018 was going to be about change, BIG change.
About three months ago I was cycling through the parks to my favourite Bagel brunchery and I had AN EPIPHANY.
I know that sounds a bit dramatic but it genuinely felt like one.
For almost four years prior I’d been a caged bird, looking at life from behind bars. I was in a city I didn’t want to be in, with a person I didn’t want to be with, doing a job I absolutely despised with every nano-particle in my body.
I’d gone from my dream job at L’Oréal, living the London life, to buying canned fucking artichokes for a living.
One minute I was working on gifting collaborations with Stella McCartney and Jenny Packham, the next minute I was being forced to taste hot dogs and cod roe at 8am on a Tuesday morning, wearing a hideous navy suit that made me look like a fifty year old woman called Ethel (sorry to all the Ethels).
There is no better comparison of career Heaven & Hell.
Luckily I got myself out of the canned food situation and landed another dream role, but I was still completely shackled by the rest. I’m not sure how I let life disintegrate so much, or maybe I am sure and just don’t want to talk about it. Either way, this was the moment I broke free.
DOING GOOD STUFF TO BE A BETTER ME
That day I wrote a load of things down. I narrated my every move, from brushing my teeth to pedaling my bicycle to China Town, to munching on a poppy seeded bagel and pottering around the shops. I wrote about the thoughts in my head; how I was feeling, what I was grateful for, who I am and what I want.
I realised how off balance I’d been. I’d veered away from the real me so much that I’d forgotten what it felt like to be her.
So without a plan, without an agenda, without a theme or a goal. I started writing..
From the get-go, I figured that the only people reading this would be my Grandma, my Mum and my Dad. If anybody else did happen to stumble across my page they’d probably roll their eyes and cringe. But I also figured that if all I want is to do good stuff to be a better me and write because I love to, then I have nothing to fear of outsider opprobrium.
In less than three months I’ve had almost five thousands readers from all corners of the globe. The UK, America, Brazil, Malaysia, India, China, Spain, Portugal, Australia, Germany, Italy, Canada, Indonesia, Mexico, Nigeria, Columbia. The list goes on…
I’ve had the nicest comments and compliments from strangers and friends. I’ve reignited conversations that have been dormant for years. I’ve been interviewed by a PhD student from Germany for my thoughts on fair trade fashion. I’ve talked to my favourite artists the Singh Twins and exchanged social media joy with Ted Talkers. I’ve also been asked to write something for my Buddhist Centre.
I know this isn’t a rocket launch into blogger stardom, nor do I want it to be..but it’s a hell of a lot more kudos than I ever expected and I genuinely get tears at the back of my eyes from all the niceness.
So I wanna thank God for giving me the faith to pursue my dreams and my fans for being there for me from day one. OH SHUT UP.
This is like a virtual path I’m building and every post is another yellow brick laid. I have no idea where it’s taking me but I do feel like it’s somewhere rather than nowhere.
Moral of this pointless little story? Don’t wait for good stuff to come to you or for the perfect moment to start something new. Just put your blindfold on and take a step forward. Fake it til you make it. And if you don’t like it, try something else.