Insane in the Membrane

So far today I’ve poured orange juice into my coffee instead of milk, put my toothpaste lid on my perfume bottle, tried to charge my laptop with my phone cable, forgotten my work pass for the zillionth day in a row and said “Thank You” to a cash machine before walking away empty-handed, thereby unwittingly making a charitable donation of £30 to the next in line.

And this was all before 9am.

How? Well, I have long toyed with the notion that I am lacking the brain cell that governs common sense. I think it’s potentially inherited from my Dad – maybe I’m genetically challenged or have imitated his lack of logic for some weird reason only Freud would attempt to explain. I have the Scatterbrain gene and I’m not afraid to use it.

It costs me a lot of money and wastes a lot of time but I’ve become accustom to it in a good way. I don’get stressed easily, I see little value in material possessions which can easily be replaced and I can laugh at everything, particularly myself.

And bizarrely this is an ailment I am not in search of a cure for. I actually am quite fond of the mishaps and disasters that narrate my existence. There is never a Beige day when everything goes to plan and I can’t help be in love with the idea that I’ll forever be Perfectly Flawed.

Here are the 9 Official Signs You’re A Scatterbrain…(according to Bustle)

  1. Your internet crashes daily due to the million tabs you have open – This made me elegantly snort laugh as I currently have over 40 tabs open whilst typing this
  2. You suffer from a regular case of Analysis Paralysis 
  3. Getting ready to leave the house takes five times longer than you planned 
  4. You constantly leave your essentials behind
  5. You have a million new (unrelated) ideas every day
  6. It looks like a bomb went off inside your purse
  7. You read half of a lot of books
  8. You forget to send the attachment on emails 
  9. You’ve found salvation from making lists

See here for more information on Scatterbrainsymptoms: https://www.bustle.com/articles/98490-9-signs-that-youre-a-scatterbrain

 

 

 

Coffee Shakes & Heart Aches

Oh I hate break-ups.

I wish once you’ve decided you are breaking up with somebody you could (at least temporarily) ship them off to Planet Ex until your heart has healed and you feel moderately sane again.

I’ve had three real break ups in my life so far… The first two were heartbreaking in the way that your heart fractures when a loved one dies. It’s a big crack, it hurts a lot, but you know deep down that you just have to grieve it out of your system and time will be a healer.

Yesterday I said the real and final goodbye to number three and it is the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do. We are still completely in love.  We adore each other from head to toe and inside out. Neither of us want it to end, but it feels like it has to…

Parting is all we know of Heaven and all we need know of Hell

~ Emily Dickinson

This is a pain I just don’t understand. Real gut-wrenching, heart-crumbling, mind-fucking Love. A Heartache that feels like ten thousand knives to the stomach. A Heartache that wakes you up to black stormy skies in the middle of summer. A wound that feels like it will never truly heal.

I am a Leper of Love.