Friday Night Jazz Hands

It’s Friday night. On other occasions, I could be three drinks deep by 6 o’clock but tonight I decided to kick my weekend off with endolphins swimming around my veins. My gym instructor, however, had other intentions…

Image result for dance class funny

I’m in the gym studio ready for “Dance Fit” feeling psyched and ready to cut up a rug, well a laminate floor. The class is small, there are four middle aged women to the right of me and I get chatting to the lady on my left. She’s easily pushing seventy and is wildly overweight. The warning bells did not sound in my head. Let’s do this…

She was one of those gym instructors that doesn’t tell you what move is coming next, doesn’t count you in and although she can dance, seems to miss the beat more often than not. We’re all “dancing” to Bang Bang by Will I Am, one of my most favourite songs from The Great Gatsby and I’m jazz-handing the shit out of life. I almost feel guilty – by verse two we’ve completely destroyed the Charleston and side-step-clicked more than a Dad at a school disco.

Next it’s another favourite song from another classic film, Jai Ho from Slumdog Millionaire….

The problem with gym instructors who don’t speak is you end up spending the entire class predicting their next move. Have you ever seen toddlers dance? Yeah. That was us. Flapping our hands around making a few diagonal stomps, faces riddled with confusion. No sooner as we’d understood it was time to change the lightbulb she had us mimicking a snake charmer on ecstasy. The whole entire experience was bizarre.

25 minutes later I’m head down scurrying out of the class. I did contemplate saying I’d hurt my ankle, but realistically she’d only spot me five minutes later on the treadmill doing actual exercise, so I just ducked and ran. I literally work more of a sweat up cooking my poached eggs in the morning. What a waste of time.

I think the lesson learned here is screaming out at me loud and clear – Fridays are for Fun. Time to meet a few Tier Ones for a glass of vino or ten…





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